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    Thursday, October 28, 2004     9:31 AM

there's a line in a poem i wrote that coming to mind this morning, so i'm revisiting the poem here. i've changed the last line, though to reflect some changes within me.

these are not my bones,
mine are not so fragile,
she said
as the death knoll tolled again
but the words scattered
billowing out to somewhere
no weight, no voice
no force to change the ending
a breath of chill,
heart severed from the core
there is no blood though,
it still flows within, whispering vitality
an echo brought back,
"En ma fin est mon commencement..."

for some reason, throughout friendships, relationships, etc, people have always found it hard to follow my request to tell me the truth, no matter what the cost. i've gotten a lot of explanations as to why i wasn't told, but that doesn't really matter. if i ask someone to tell me the truth, to keep me informed, to not spare my feelings, or try to anyway, than that's what i mean. it doesn't mean to just arbitrarily decide what you think is best for me. my whole life people have spent doing that, and i'm quite sick of it. nobody gets to decide but me, and if i don't have the information then i can't make an informed decision. so if you're in my life and you call yourself a friend, or more, than do me the honor, give me the respect of letting me know what's up, what you're thinking, etc. i can't very well be honorable and respectful if i'm not getting that in kind, can i?

and while i'm on a roll - i don't know about other people, but don't treat me differently just because you find out i'm sick, or the like. i'm still the same person and strong as ever, despite appearances. everyone acts out of character sometimes, but simply because i act weak occasionally, does not mean i am. everyone has their moments, and allowances should be made.

____

reading...
Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
listening/watching...
The Golden Girls
playing..
KOTOR II
randomness...
In the Waiting Line - Zero Seven
linkage...
My Twitter
quote...
"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman