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    Friday, December 12, 2003     12:40 PM

i could write endlessly about being in love and not having it reciprocated. i'm sure no one wants to read that. i don't even think i'd want to read it. it is however a fact that i find is easier to deal with as i get older and learn how to compartmentalize. maybe that's not good but it does make it easier to function on a day to day basis. and real love after all is not obsession; one should know the difference. getting on with life, i find, is easier when you know it isn't obsession because then you aren't thinking of the person constantly. you love them, you want them to be happy and if they are and it's not with you then you begrudgingly accept that. what else can you do? as cliche as it is, if it's meant to be it'll happen eventually. stopping one's life or putting it on hold for a person who is not emotionally available is entirely too self destructive. i know, i've done it. of course there will be days when it's hard and you can do nothing but daydream, think of the what ifs but it always comes back to the here and now.

i used to think distance was the key but for me that makes it all that much worse. having the person around, for me, makes it easier to facilitate good communication and a lasting friendship. and i think it's also easier if they know, most of the time. if they're emotionally mature enough to handle it and they know where you are coming from than they can better understand your feelings and actions. of course if you're more communicative than them that's another issue entirely and one i'm still not sure how to deal with adequately.

none of this really makes the situation easy. i guess perspective is key, at least for me. emotions change, feelings change and it's important (again, for me, at least) to leave yourself open to all sorts of possibilities.

then again maybe i'm too hopeful. not sure where this rant came from either. chalk it up to being tired and an overworked brain.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
The Golden Girls
In the Waiting Line - Zero Seven
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman