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    Tuesday, December 30, 2003     1:14 PM

because being with you touches me more than i can say...

i think i've been avoiding people of late because talking to close friends gets me thinking and i'm happier not thinking about much these days. that realization makes me sad though the conversation i recently had did the opposite. i've been feeling distant from most people the past couple of weeks, that whole being misunderstood and unliked vibe. i attribute the unliked feelings to a random and temporary paranoia. being misunderstood, or rather not being understood by most is normal though. it's hard to completely be myself when there is not an establishment of trust and i can count on one hand how many people i trust. the point i'm trying to make though is that sometimes i even push those i do away because i don't want them to see me melancholy/frustrated/angry. i've always been very good at listening and it's only in the last several years that i've even been ok with letting someone else listen. even when i allow that though i wonder if they're only feigning care, if they'll even remember a week from now the important confidence i've just told them.

these are cobwebbed thoughts, no real point except to say i am very grateful for the few people i implicitly trust. y'all know who you are - thanks for your honesty and love, it means so much to me.

A guid New Year and mony may ye see.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman