Tuesday, September 23, 2003
And what costume shall the poor girl wear
To all tomorrow's parties
For Thursday's child is Sunday's clown
For whom none will go mourning
A blackened shroud, a hand-me-down gown
Of rags and silks, a costume
Fit for one who sits and cries
For all tomorrow's parties
- All Tomorrow's Parties, The Velvet Underground
i've been doing quite a bit of thinking about my life lately, soul-searching though it sounds terribly corny. for the longest time i've made a bad habit of not putting myself first, and alternately, putting certain parts of my life on hold for really ludicrous reasons. honestly, these reasons do still matter to me, more than they should but i can't remain in the place i've been for so long. allowing other parts of my life to change while maintaining this one part as it has been is really unhealthy.
that said, a big part of me wants things to be different. wants feelings and situations to be different. but they aren't and i can't pretend they'll change anytime soon, if at all. and maybe actively moving on will allow for possibilities down the road, for doors that are closed to be opened. maybe they won't. but i can't keep parts of myself in stasis any longer.
i am confused though. very confused.
anyway, on a less thoughtful and yet ironic twist, my basement is now flooded from last night's rain. pain in the ass.