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    Thursday, August 14, 2003     11:16 AM

sadly, or maybe not, in my own thoughts and in my paper journal i've been asking myself a lot of questions, much like Carrie on Sex and The City but i've not come up with one answer. i'm doing my best to be productive in my daily life, applying for many jobs i really don't want, scheduling lots of interviews which is all well and good but not really what my mind has been on for the most part.

sometimes i'm so sure i know what friendship is, or should be and the next minute that theory feels totally wrong and grossly incomplete. i'm not sure i'll ever know the answer, but i do know that a sense of comfortability is so very key. also, feeling more comfortable in one's own skin because of another person, even if it's just from a five minute conversation over five days is a wonderful feeling.

of course that doesn't make friendship or relationships any easier. insecurity and unsurety* are two demons i will always struggle with and they seem especially prescient now.

what do you do when you've unmasked your demons, your hidden issues, and they still hold as much power as before? how do you fight back, how do you win one more time without losing any part of yourself?

*yes, this is spelled right and really is a word, albeit an old word. old word for an old soul, go figure.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman