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    Sunday, December 22, 2002     2:29 PM

i'm not sure it's legal to feel this much sadness around this time of year. it shouldn't be.

there's so much emptiness, so much hurt and i'm good and not putting it out there, on my sleeve, most of the time. why bring everyone down? it's too hard right now though, too hard. i want very much for a lot of things to be different and they aren't and they won't be. and where does that leave me? wanting impossible things... wanting something i can never have... i could be an ad for the cure and nine inch nails combined.

listening to Tori sing, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" doesn't really help either. listening to "What's This?" might help a little. it's worth a try.

wish i could put more meaning into this vague emptiness but it really isn't specific. a general malaise.

why are most people so fake? so selfish? so underserving of trust?

must stop before i really start sounding cliche and awful. too late probably.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman