Friday, June 21, 2002
i have a cute doggie finger puppet. it's making me smile now when very little else is.
i'm so frustrated at so many people, so many situations right now and i have no idea what to do about most of them. and really all i'm trying to do is enjoy life and not get stressed because it's really bad for me right now. i'm actually so frustrated right now i don't even think i can write about any of it coherently.
i apparently have to think in black and white, always be logical, never make mistakes and always know what i want or don't want. and, oh, i can't ever be impatient or just want someone to listen, not talk, but just listen. and i'm never funny. i drink too much caffeine. there are flaws in the way i think. blah blah blah.
i think in shades of grey. i make mistakes. i feel more than i think, and when i fall, i fall hard. i don't fall often, either. i want someone to listen. i like arguments as long as i'm not told what i think is wrong.
and i crave joy right now. painful, have to work for it, have to want it, deep resonating joy.