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    Wednesday, June 26, 2002     11:49 AM

flashes of the film Titus playing in my mind's background to the soundtrack of songs from Ummagumma.

i'm feeling betrayed. betrayed by myself, betrayed by another, though probably not their fault. i tend to expect too much and it leads to dissapointment. trust is a fragile thread and it breaks all too easily.

in my version of utopia everyone would be honest, politeness would be taboo. people hide behind the guise of polite behavior, not wanting to hurt, to offend, when they are usually doing more harm than they might possibly realize. if someone, someone you consider a trusted friend, asks you to be straight with them, to keep them informed on something because they believe it to be important, then for god's sake do it. if you don't plan to then tell them that and tell them why. don't keep the important bits from those closest to you.

and don't ever go about making someone feel they are more special to you than they really are. when i find that out a part of me withers, more of my ability to trust dies. maybe not for everyone but i think everyone deserves to know where they stand with the people they trust.

my eyes feel like firey paperweights being slowly embedded into my head. my stomach like a slipknot being constantly loosened and tightened.

and i have to wonder what is the point?

fundamental, instrumental, unnoticed and necessary, inspirational, beautiful, loved.



Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
The Golden Girls
In the Waiting Line - Zero Seven
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman