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    Friday, June 14, 2002     3:07 AM

drinking Jolt Espresso, feeling inspired and restless. therefore i've decided to tell a story of a girl who was and is out to show the world she knows what is best for her.

when i first went to Britain i was around 8 and in awe of the entire country, its beauty and its history. the first place we went was London, to the Tower of London. already being a huge anglophile at that age i wanted to climb the bloody tower and see firsthand the history i'd read about. my parents though forbid this, telling me i wasn't physically able to do it. at 8 i didn't really fight them, i complained and argued but that's as far as it went. at that point i knew i was capable of much more but kept mostly silent because i knew i could do very little about the situation.

for many many years from the time i was a baby until 11 or 12 i was pretty much forced to use a companion chair, not a wheelchair, as it had no large wheels, meaning i was entirely dependent on another person. i hated this, despised it and never really sat in it for more than a couple minutes at a time, much to the ire of my parents. and then finally i put my foot down, i told them i didn't care what they thought, i knew what i was capable of and it was much more than they would ever believe.

from that point on i walked everywhere, i climbed stairs every opportunity i got, and i became a happier person because i finally got to do the simple activities that had been restricted for so long. the next time i went back to Britain i climbed The Bloody Tower with no help and the last time i was there i forced my mother on a three mile hike to
this wonderful place,
walked almost five miles to this neat
walked the walls of York as well as climbing Clifford's Tower there. i did all of this for sheer enjoyment and being tired at the end of the day was one of the best feelings in the world. these are experiences i may never have again and each one is a memory i will treasure forever. there's joy, there's learning and there's peace in each of these experiences and all the ones i haven't mentioned.

i am stronger than most people realize which is fine as long as i get to make the decisions on what's good for me and what isn't. if i didn't i might have missed out on all the wonder and the beauty.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
The Golden Girls
In the Waiting Line - Zero Seven
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman