Wednesday, May 08, 2002
She tries hard
To look just past the sorrow and
She tries hard
To take hold of tomorrow and
There's a haunting voice
Inside her mind saying
She'll stay here forever and
She'll embrace the pain she hides so
Sweet and tender - The Echoing Green
it's so frustrating, i come here to talk about how i feel and lately all i do is erase what i type, feeling like whatever i'm writing is boring and unimportant and not worth writing at all. i know where part of this worry about imparting sage wisdom comes from and i need to shake that. need to just say whatever's on my mind, regardless of whether i think someone else will think it's important or not.
there are many things i could have done tonight and i tried to do a bunch of them but i couldn't focus at all. maybe it's a need for sleep. maybe it's a feeling of inadequacy, that nothing i do is really that good, that i'm just sort of muddling along, hoping i do something right and good occasionally. probably both with a bit of other issues all mixed in for good measure.
i just really really hope i'm doing a goob job with this Nocturne website. it means a great deal to me and i'm putting so much of myself into this because i want it to be as good as the film, to show how beautiful and powerful the film really is - i want people to see that. i have this fear that i won't live up to that but i'm not going to let that stop me. just have to keep telling myself that i'll do the best job i can and that i am not as bad at this as i think.
i really wish i was tired right now, i'm not sure why i'm not. i can't shut my brain off though and i know even when i do sleep, the dreams will be there.