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    Thursday, May 16, 2002     2:09 AM

i should be tired right now, i should be asleep but i'm not. instead i'm sitting here thinking about situations i can't control and trying anyway to stay happy.

my end of the website's stalled at the moment, i've done all i can with what i have for the most part. now it's just waiting until i get more to put up and playing around with the images i have to see if i can make some neat stuff. hopefully the trailer'll be shown at The Depot this sunday, where, even though the tv's are small, i think people will be more receptive than at Orpheus. talked to Steve tonight, haven't talked to him in awhile and that was good. hopefully he'll be coming out Sunday, so the next step is to convince Liz.

feeling a bit like i shouldn't care so much about Nocturne but i realize that comes from what other people have said and shouldn't determine how i feel. i've gone through the better part of my life feeling like i don't measure up, that i'm not really good at anything, largely because of my parents and a series of screwed up friendships and relationships. so, yes, i'm investing a good part of myself into the website because it's a hugely positive part of my life right now. i feel like i'm good at this, getting better all the time, and any frustration that goes along with it is, for once, completely worth it. i get satisfaction from this just as i do from writing, except this time there's recognition too, and that makes me very grateful.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
The Golden Girls
In the Waiting Line - Zero Seven
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman