Tuesday, March 26, 2002
some people think birthdays are unimportant, just another day, so i was wondering today why mine is more important than that. it isn't about turning a year older, age hasn't ever held the importance. many years ago, probably when i was around 10 or so, my mother told me that if she had known how i would've been born, with spina bifida, that she would not have had me. see, my mother was told that i would be a "normal", healthy, baby because johns hopkins hospital screwed up. they screwed up, i wasn't normal or healthy and my mom sued them. she won too and she gets money every year and she will until she dies. then it will stop. i will never see this money. when i turned 18 she got an even larger amount that year. where does this money go? i have no idea really. and it's not that i care about that, it's the message behind this. she wouldn't have had me because of the pain and suffering it's caused her, the pain and suffering she gets this money for, to make it better.
she tried to justify the comment she made, that she hates what i have to go through, being what i am, and that not having me would have spared me. she may believe this, i don't know. that's not the point, to me. sure, my life has been hard for many reasons, but no one has it easy. i just have a different set of circumstances to deal with than someone else. my birthday is a reminder to me that i did get to be here, and in some small way i'll be grateful to those doctors and technicians that made a mistake. their mistake allowed me to be here and to live this wonderful, challenging, beautiful, unnormal life.