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    Sunday, February 10, 2002     1:39 PM

this situation with the cut on my foot brought to mind a question i haven't been asked in awhile, do i find any part of myself ugly? usually, without thinking, i would just answer, no, of course not, but looking at my foot today, i realized that i really do think my feet are ugly. but it's not an ugly that i can do anything about because these were the feet i was born with and no amount of excerise or operations would change that. so i live with it and i don't think about it. then there's the scar on my back, the one i have because they allowed an intern to close one of my surgeries when i was a baby. supposedly i can have reconstructive surgery and get rid of it but its become such a part of me, a reminder of what i've been through that i don't want to do that. some have questioned that logic wondering why i wouldn't want to get rid of something ugly but then isn't it a part of me and if i love myself shouldn't i love my whole self, flaws and all? just something i'm pondering.


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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman