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    Wednesday, February 20, 2002     4:13 PM

sad that is taken me until wednesday to talk about my weekend. it was mostly fun, friday was great. went to Nevermore and even though it was crowded i had a great time. a good thing because dinner at Kawasaki, while wonderful, was tainted by seeing someone i never thought i'd see. ah well.

saturday i made the mistake of going to Orpheus because i didn't feel like staying home. Marty was busy all weekend shooting a short for a competition i'm sure he'll win. so that wasn't fun and trying to get a cab home was a terrible experience. but i've learned.

sunday i went to the depot by myself after spending some time with my friend Liz. i was feeling really down because my 2nd cousin (who was really more of an Uncle type figure) died and i went to his viewing earlier. it's hard to see someone and realize that isn't what they should look like, reinforced by all the pictures of him around. strengthens my decision to be cremated when i die. going to the depot really helped cheer me up. i got to talk to
(who looks super wonderful with her new cut bangs) and jen and tina a bit, and it was good. danced a bit too. afterwards i went to a late dinner with some other cool people (serena, rob, etc) and got a ride home with a super nice guy, Steve.

this week though hasn't been great. i've had a terrible headache on and off, really, since Monday and not even sleep is helping. i keep having these disturbing dreams and wake up feeling tired and restless. there's obviously something troubling me but apparently not consciously. i'd like to write more about Lou, but i don't think i'm ready yet. his death has brought back so many memories of my grandfather, the relative i'll always consider myself closest to, and it's hard.

my birthday's the end of march and i've decided to get another tattoo. been thinking a lot about what i want because, of course, i want it to have meaning, but i'm having trouble. probably not a good idea to try to figure it out when i'm already feeling so unsettled.


Tori Amos, Piece by Piece
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In the Waiting Line - Zero Seven
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"It is time for me to walk the abyss. Time to reclaim my own. I must talk to the Morningstar. I do not have high hopes for the meeting."
-Dream, Sandman